Time Out! | Life Solutions of Dallas-Fort Worth

Time out gets a “bad rap” largely because it is misused for every form of disobedience under the sun. Time out is called “Time Out from Reinforcement” meaning that it is a time to be apart from others and activities. Here, time out is designed to be only one part of the process previously described in my “Better Behavior” and “Reducing Unacceptable Behavior” articles and should not be over-used.

Rules of Thumb for Using Time Out

Time out should be reserved for more difficult problem behaviors and when you have taken away so many tokens that you are at risk for no longer motivating your child.

If your child is throwing a temper-tantrum and needs to help herself calm down, time out may help.

Give Your Child a Chance to Comply

Always give your child a chance to comply by making sure you have her attention, and repeating saying, “Stop. It’s time to calm yourself down and do as I’ve said.”

Use a firm but pleasant voice.
Don’t yell at your child, and do not ask it as a favor.
Make a simple, direct statement to your child in a comforting and businesslike tone of voice.

After you have said this, count backward from 5 to 1 out loud.

If your child has not made a move to comply within these 5 seconds, make direct eye contact, adopt a firm posture or stance and say, “If you don’t do what I said, then you are going to sit in the time out chair.” Then point to the chair placed in the corner of the room.

Count down from 5 to 1 out loud again.

If the child has still not started to comply say, “You did not do as I asked, so you must go to time out.”

During the Time Out

Consider these guidelines during your child’s time out.

The time out chair should be in a corner and facing the wall with nothing to look at during the time out.

Promptly, take the child to the time out chair.
Take the child to the chair regardless of any promises he or she may make.
If the child resists, use a slight force if necessary.
The child is not to get a drink, stand, or argue with the parent.
Place the child in the chair and firmly say, “You stay there until I tell you to get up.”

You may tell the child you are not coming back until he is quiet, but do not repeat this too often. Once or twice is enough.

No one else is to talk to the child during this time.

Do not argue with your child while she is in the time-out chair.
You should go back to doing your previous activity, but be sure to keep an eye on what the child is doing in the chair.

After the Time Out

After the child has served 1-2 minutes for each year of her age and is quiet, return to your child and say, “Now are you ready to do as I said?” After the child complies, the parent should then say, “I like it when you do as I say.”

If the child did something that cannot be corrected, such as swearing, then say, “Do you promise not to swear again?”

At this point, the child is to do what he or she was supposed to do before the time out.

Watch for and immediately praise your child’s next appropriate behavior.

Frequent Questions

These questions often arise when implementing time out.

What if time out occurs during mealtime?

The child is to miss that portion of the mealtime that was spent sitting in the chair. No effort should be made to prepare a special snack later to compensate for missing that part of the meal.

What if your child gets out of the chair?

The first time your child leaves the chair or tips over the chair put her back in the chair and say firmly, “If you get out of that chair again, I’m going to put you in your room.”

When the child leaves the chair again, you are to send the child to her bedroom.

Have the child sit on her bed.
Remove all major play items so that there is little or nothing attractive to play with while your child is in the room.
You may leave the door of the child’s bedroom open.
If the child attempts to leave the room, the door is to be closed and locked if necessary to ensure the time-out period is served.

What to Expect

Your child will become quite upset when first sent to time out.
Your child may become quite angry and vocal while in time out.
Your child may cry because her feelings have been hurt.
Continued crying may result in your child having to remain in time-out well past her minimum sentence because she is not yet quiet: your child may spend 30-minutes to an hour in the chair the first time before becoming quiet and agreeing to do what was asked of her.
Over time, you will find that your child will begin to obey your warnings about time out.
Eventually, your child will begin obeying your fist commands.
Your child will not be happy about this procedure.

What to Understand

Know that you are not harming your child.
Know that you are helping your child develop better self-control, respect for authority, and the ability to follow rules.
Know that sometimes, children must experience unhappiness if they are to learn certain rules to be followed within families and society.

Need Help Applying This Concept?

Call 817.421.8780 to set up an appointment to discuss your family’s unique needs with Dr. Davenport today.

(C) 2010-2019, Monte W. Davenport, Ph.D.

Rules of Thumb for Using Time Out

Time out should be reserved for more difficult problem behaviors and when you have taken away so many tokens that you are at risk for no longer motivating your child.

If your child is throwing a temper-tantrum and needs to help herself calm down, time out may help.

Give Your Child a Chance to Comply

Always give your child a chance to comply by making sure you have her attention, and repeating saying, “Stop. It’s time to calm yourself down and do as I’ve said.”

Use a firm but pleasant voice.

Don’t yell at your child, and do not ask it as a favor.

Make a simple, direct statement to your child in a comforting and businesslike tone of voice.

After you have said this, count backward from 5 to 1 out loud.

If your child has not made a move to comply within these 5 seconds, make direct eye contact, adopt a firm posture or stance and say, “If you don’t do what I said, then you are going to sit in the time out chair.” Then point to the chair placed in the corner of the room.

Count down from 5 to 1 out loud again.

If the child has still not started to comply say, “You did not do as I asked, so you must go to time out.”

During the Time Out

Consider these guidelines during your child’s time out.

The time out chair should be in a corner and facing the wall with nothing to look at during the time out.

Promptly, take the child to the time out chair.

Take the child to the chair regardless of any promises he or she may make.

If the child resists, use a slight force if necessary.

The child is not to get a drink, stand, or argue with the parent.

Place the child in the chair and firmly say, “You stay there until I tell you to get up.”

You may tell the child you are not coming back until he is quiet, but do not repeat this too often. Once or twice is enough.

No one else is to talk to the child during this time.

Do not argue with your child while she is in the time-out chair.

You should go back to doing your previous activity, but be sure to keep an eye on what the child is doing in the chair.

After the Time Out

After the child has served 1-2 minutes for each year of her age and is quiet, return to your child and say, “Now are you ready to do as I said?” After the child complies, the parent should then say, “I like it when you do as I say.”

If the child did something that cannot be corrected, such as swearing, then say, “Do you promise not to swear again?”

At this point, the child is to do what he or she was supposed to do before the time out.

Watch for and immediately praise your child’s next appropriate behavior.

Frequent Questions

These questions often arise when implementing time out.

What if time out occurs during mealtime?

The child is to miss that portion of the mealtime that was spent sitting in the chair. No effort should be made to prepare a special snack later to compensate for missing that part of the meal.

What if your child gets out of the chair?

The first time your child leaves the chair or tips over the chair put her back in the chair and say firmly, “If you get out of that chair again, I’m going to put you in your room.”

When the child leaves the chair again, you are to send the child to her bedroom.

Have the child sit on her bed.

Remove all major play items so that there is little or nothing attractive to play with while your child is in the room.

You may leave the door of the child’s bedroom open.

If the child attempts to leave the room, the door is to be closed and locked if necessary to ensure the time-out period is served.

What to Expect

Your child will become quite upset when first sent to time out.

Your child may become quite angry and vocal while in time out.

Your child may cry because her feelings have been hurt.

Continued crying may result in your child having to remain in time-out well past her minimum sentence because she is not yet quiet: your child may spend 30-minutes to an hour in the chair the first time before becoming quiet and agreeing to do what was asked of her.

Over time, you will find that your child will begin to obey your warnings about time out.

Eventually, your child will begin obeying your fist commands.

Your child will not be happy about this procedure.

What to Understand

Know that you are not harming your child.

Know that you are helping your child develop better self-control, respect for authority, and the ability to follow rules.

Know that sometimes, children must experience unhappiness if they are to learn certain rules to be followed within families and society.

Need Help Applying This Concept?

Call 817.421.8780 to set up an appointment to discuss your family’s unique needs with Dr. Davenport today.

(C) 2010-2019, Monte W. Davenport, Ph.D.