Child or Teen Transition Problems | Southlake, Dallas, Fort Worth

As I say in my bio, I am truly a fellow struggler! The same day I first posted this item in February 2010, my then four-year-old daughter had a full-blown crying, screaming, jelly-legs, you’re-gonna-have-to-carry-me-outta-here temper tantrum during a transition at a local mall.

Transitioning from one activity to another can be an ongoing struggle! This is especially true if the first activity is more fun than the second or if the second activity involves something new or unfamiliar.

If your child has trouble making smooth activity transitions, try the suggestions outlined in this post.

(1) Plan for Problem Transitions in Advance

Be aware of when your child/teen has trouble with a transition and make a plan.
Communicate clearly with your child about when activities will begin and when they will end.
Give your child specific instructions about how you expect her to smoothly switch from one activity to the next one without arguing.
Teach, model, and practice what you expect to occur during routine transition from one activity to another. For example, you could practice moving calmly and promptly from her favorite playground activity to the car when it’s time to go home for lunch and a nap.
Set goals for your child to make an effortless transition.
Special contracts may be needed for more difficult transitions. A contract should specify what is expected and the consequences for successful and unsuccessful transitions.
Try to avoid putting your child in a situation where she is overly tired or over-stimulated such as unstructured play-dates and similar activities.

(2) Act Before and During the Transition

It may be helpful to tell your child when he has a brief amount of time (3-5 minutes) to finish what he is doing before it is time for the next activity. Setting a timer for that amount of time can help avoid arguments.
Use a timer like the Time-Timer * which allows your child to actually see the minutes tick away.
Use prompts such as counting down the last 10 seconds to get your child ready for a transition. This type of signal indicates that an activity is coming to an end and she needs to finish whatever she is doing.
Play relaxing music during transition times (for both your child and you).
If your child refuses to make a transition, kindly and firmly talk and move her through the transition you agreed to in advance. (Then, play more relaxing music for both your child and you.)
If your child throws a temper tantrum during a transition: first, make sure she is safe, next, tell her in a matter of fact way you cannot help her with her tantrum, and then allow her some time so she can calm herself. After she calms herself down, sit down with her to reassure her.
If your child tries to throw or smash things, hold her firmly but not too tightly so that she must stop and regain control.

(3) Reward or Recover After the Transition

When she successfully makes a smooth transition, reward your child immediately by providing a small “something special” (Disney Dollars if you’re going to Disney World soon), or by adding a sticker to a behavior chart.
When your child is unsuccessful at making transitions, consider child- and age-appropriate behavior management techniques.
After a temper tantrum or destructive act, wait until she is available to listen to you and then calmly talk about what happened, how she feels, and why she cannot continue to do this in the future. Assure her that you will try to help her before she loses control again.
Remember “practice makes perfect!” She will eventually “get it” with your loving support.

Consistent use of a structured plan of action can make a tremendous difference in how your child deals with transitions for many years to come.

See you at the mall soon!

For suggestions for making transitions at school, read this post.

Need Help Applying these Concepts?

Call 817.421.8780 to make an appointment.

(c) 2010 – 2020, Monte W. Davenport, Ph.D.

________________________________________________________________________________________

Disclosure of Material Connection: As of May 2011, over one year after this blog post was originally written, Monte W. Davenport, Ph.D. & Associates became a local Time-Timer distributor in Dallas-Fort Worth. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Life Solutions of Dallas-Fort Worth

Three Steps to Successful Transitions

Transitioning from one activity to another can be an ongoing struggle! This is especially true if the first activity is more fun than the second or if the second activity involves something new or unfamiliar.

If your child has trouble making smooth activity transitions, try the suggestions outlined in this post.

(1) Plan for Problem Transitions in Advance

Be aware of when your child/teen has trouble with a transition and make a plan.

Communicate clearly with your child about when activities will begin and when they will end.

Give your child specific instructions about how you expect her to smoothly switch from one activity to the next one without arguing.

Teach, model, and practice what you expect to occur during routine transition from one activity to another. For example, you could practice moving calmly and promptly from her favorite playground activity to the car when it’s time to go home for lunch and a nap.

Set goals for your child to make an effortless transition.

Special contracts may be needed for more difficult transitions. A contract should specify what is expected and the consequences for successful and unsuccessful transitions.

Try to avoid putting your child in a situation where she is overly tired or over-stimulated such as unstructured play-dates and similar activities.

(2) Act Before and During the Transition

It may be helpful to tell your child when he has a brief amount of time (3-5 minutes) to finish what he is doing before it is time for the next activity. Setting a timer for that amount of time can help avoid arguments.

Use a timer like the Time-Timer * which allows your child to actually see the minutes tick away.

Use prompts such as counting down the last 10 seconds to get your child ready for a transition. This type of signal indicates that an activity is coming to an end and she needs to finish whatever she is doing.

Play relaxing music during transition times (for both your child and you).

If your child refuses to make a transition, kindly and firmly talk and move her through the transition you agreed to in advance. (Then, play more relaxing music for both your child and you.)

If your child throws a temper tantrum during a transition: first, make sure she is safe, next, tell her in a matter of fact way you cannot help her with her tantrum, and then allow her some time so she can calm herself. After she calms herself down, sit down with her to reassure her.

If your child tries to throw or smash things, hold her firmly but not too tightly so that she must stop and regain control.

(3) Reward or Recover After the Transition

When she successfully makes a smooth transition, reward your child immediately by providing a small “something special” (Disney Dollars if you’re going to Disney World soon), or by adding a sticker to a behavior chart.

When your child is unsuccessful at making transitions, consider child- and age-appropriate behavior management techniques.

After a temper tantrum or destructive act, wait until she is available to listen to you and then calmly talk about what happened, how she feels, and why she cannot continue to do this in the future. Assure her that you will try to help her before she loses control again.

Remember “practice makes perfect!” She will eventually “get it” with your loving support.

Consistent use of a structured plan of action can make a tremendous difference in how your child deals with transitions for many years to come.

See you at the mall soon!

For suggestions for making transitions at school, read this post.

Need Help Applying these Concepts?

Call 817.421.8780 to make an appointment.

(c) 2010 – 2020, Monte W. Davenport, Ph.D.

________________________________________________________________________________________