Some children need to know that trying to achieve closeness without revealing something about themselves is like trying to hit a home run with a toothpick.  They don’t have what it takes. Try these strategies to help your child.

Make an Autobiography

For children or teens who have difficulty talking about themselves (as many students with poor self-esteem do), help them write or record a mini-autobiography.  Some may experience success developing a time line outlining big events in their lives.  Help your child focus on the  information that will help others understand her better.

• Where she was born.

• Important events so far in her childhood.

• What school is like for her.

• Her favorite teachers.

• People she loves and cares about.

• Her favorite activities (sports, playing an instrument, hobbies, etc.)

• Best vacations.

The number of possible facts in this category are endless. Brainstorm with your child other topics she might share with others.

Share Thoughts and Feelings

Children need to know that they don’t have to show their deepest darkest secrets, but to deepen a friendship, self-disclosure may need include thoughts and feelings about the past, present, or future.  Help your child or teen think about what thoughts or feelings she might share.

• The funniest thing that ever happened to her.

• Exciting things that have happened to her.

• Sad things that have happened.

• A funny story about something that made her seem foolish.

• An opinion, thought, or feeling she has about a current event.

• A fear she has.

• Her hopes for the future.

Some children and teens are afraid to express thoughts and feelings because they feel disclosure might destroy the idea they are “perfect” or exactly like the other person.  They need to be reminded we are all different and our differences can make our friendships stronger.

Learning to Share Feelings about a Friend and Friendship

The third level of self disclosure involves revealing feelings about the person you’re speaking to.  Talk with your child or teen about ways she can share this.

• Saying why she likes the other person’s company.

• Saying that she hopes to be closer friends.

• Saying what she wants for the friendship.

• Any other statements that reveal her feelings about the person or friendship.

The key is saying what she feels right now.  It’s risky and she may feel anxious, especially if she’s been rejected before.  But she should know that as she take’s these risks, she is building stronger relationships.

Need Help Applying These Concepts?

Call 817.421.8780 or email us for an appointment.

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