Once your child or teen understands that he did not cause the brain chemistry causing problems with response inhibition and that he can learn strategies to help control it, he is less likely to be hard on himself about this most difficult difficulty, and more willing to start working toward a solution.

An important step towards self-control is self-awareness!

Identify the Situations that Cause Impulsivity

It is important to help your child or teen to identify the situations that lead to her impulsive acting before thinking.    For younger children, you may need to keep an impulsivity log at home and you may need to ask his teacher for input about the situations that most often lead to impulsive actions that result in problems at school.

With some prompting, many children and most teens can identify the situations that cause them to get into trouble because of acting before thinking. These situations often involve open-ended activities with very little structure, over-stimulating or competitive events, transitions, having to wait for others, holidays, interactions with older teens, interactions with abrasive individuals, or activities completed when he or she is either over-tired or over-stimulated.  To get kids and their parents thinking, I usually ask a lot of “Wh- questions”:

• When are you impulsive?:  when you’re tired? hungry? overwhelmed? etc.

• What is going on around you?:  homework?  math class?  lining up to go to the lunchroom?

• Who is around you?:  it’s okay to name names – some of our impulsive kids have impulsive friends!  They do seem to attract each other.  That’s okay, they just need to have a plan to stop and think when they are around that friend.

• Where are you?:  at school?  in the lunchroom? at your friend’s house?

I always let kids know that I’m not asking these questions to make them feel bad, but so that we can make a plan to deal with those situations that are causing them problems.

Identify the Effects of Impulsivity

On the other side of the coin, impulsive children, teens, (and adults) struggle to learn from their experiences due to poor recognition of the effects of their behavior.  It’s important to discuss this not to shame or blame them, but to help them learn and see the benefits of stopping their impulsivity.  Whatever the impact, be sure and “flip” these into the benefits of developing and working a plan.  For example, if one effect is “getting in trouble at school every day”, the benefit of a plan is “not getting in trouble at school every day.”

Your Child Can Learn to STOP and THINK!

Once you have identified some specific situations that cause your child to act before thinking, then it’s time to start teaching him how to STOP, THINK, and then GO instead of his immediate response of GO, THINK and then STOP.   See the next article for the next steps.

Need Help Applying this Concept?

Over the years, Dr. Davenport has found that problems with impulsivity can be improved using a research-based model of self-control.  Contact us to make an appointment today.

(c) 2010-2019, Monte W. Davenport, Ph.D.