An important part of good conversation is active listening. Your child may need to be taught that an active listener feeds back what has been said in his words and actions to let the speaker know he’s been understood. This gives the speaker the reassurance he was listened to, and promotes more conversation.
Using the following strategies, you can teach your child or teen that active listening involves carefully attending to what is said, remembering it, and then feeding it back. Listening involves a multiple-step process that can be practiced in role-play as described in this post.
Role-Play What Not To Do
A good starting activity is to have your child tell you about her day, and then start talking about other things and dominating the conversation. Next, ask your child how she feels. Tell her that is how others feel when she does not actively listen. Then, practice these steps to help your child develop active listening:
Paraphrasing
Parents can easily demonstrate this skill to children and teens.
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Have your child tell you about his day.
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Next, state (correctly) in your own words what he just said, and then ask, “Is that correct?”
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Next, ask your child to tell about the best (or worst) thing that happened during the day. This time, get the paraphrase wrong, and teach him how to make necessary corrections in a kind way, and allow him to practice.
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Then, show him how the active listener can amend what he or she incorrectly paraphrased.
Explain to the child that thinking about what others are saying and then paraphrasing what is said is needed for good communication. It keeps one busy trying to understand what the person is saying rather than distractions blocking out the message.
Physical Aspects of Active Listening
Active listening involves many physical aspects and each can be discussed and practiced.
• Maintain good eye contact.
• Lean slightly forward.
• Reinforce the speaker by nodding and/or saying “yes.”
• Actively move away from distractions.
Clarifying
This goes along with paraphrasing. Show your child how to ask questions until he gets more of the picture. Tell him that he may often have to ask questions to get more of an idea what the speaker is talking about. Role play with you as the speaker. Give vague information about a specific topic — an upcoming activity might be something she would be interested in. Next, ask your child for good questions that will help clarify the specifics about the vacation.
Giving Feedback
Explain that feedback involves one’s reactions to what the other person has said. In a non-judgmental way, children can share what they thought, felt, or sensed about what was said.
Teach your child the rules of immediate, honest, and supportive feedback.
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Immediate means as soon as you fully understand.
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Honest means your real reaction.
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Supportive means being gentle — saying what you mean without causing damage or defensiveness.
Children need to understand that even when the reaction is negative it can be supportive. They need to be taught that it is better to say, “I think you may have made a mistake” than, “That was a stupid thing to do”.
Emphasize Commitment
Finally, remind your child or teen that active listening involves committing to understanding what the other person is saying.
Finally, Practice, Practice, Practice this Skill!
Remind your child that practice makes perfect!
Do you need help applying this concept?
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