Some children don’t understand how to maintain relationships. They may not know how to say things to make their friend feel good. They may struggle to put themselves in the other person’s place and imagine how it would feel if they were that person. They may not “balance” the relationship — talking about the friend as much or more than themselves.
Beginning and maintaining conversations is often difficult for children with social challenges. They should be reminded that the other person likely wants the conversation as much as they do and they are probably afraid of the same things: embarrassment, rejection, and not knowing what to say. Children can be taught that it does not matter a great deal what you say to get the conversation started: what is important is to say enough to invite the other person to respond.
Practice Traditional Conversation Openers
Traditional conversation openers can be taught and practiced through role play. Children should practice openers such as:
Ask for information
An endless number of questions can be asked to get to know a friend.
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“What can you tell me about your school?”
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“What do you like about school? What don’t you like?”
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“What do you like to do on weekends?”
Give a compliment
Everyone loves being complimented. Compliments can encompass what a person does, has, looks like, and any other number of possibilities. Compliments must be honest and specific.
“Your science project is cool.”
“I like your smile.”
“That’s a really neat bike.”
Ask questions about things your friend enjoys or does
Teach your child or teen how to ask good questions about the things his or her friend enjoys. Teach him how to be curious about his friends’ interests.
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“What do you like most about skateboarding?”
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“What stunts can you do?”
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“What did you like most about that movie?”
Once your child has broken the ice, the next step is to keep the conversation going. See my next post to learn ways you can help with this.
Need Help Applying these Concepts?
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