AFTER your child has successfully earned her privileges for a couple of weeks, try these five steps to reduce unacceptable behavior.
Make a List of Unacceptable Behaviors
First, make a list of unacceptable behaviors you want your child to stop. This list should include whatever she gets in trouble for doing (or not doing).
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Not completing chores, responsibilities
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Lying
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Arguing
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Talking-back
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Not complying with household rules
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Whatever behaviors or actions you want to stop
Choose the top three behaviors that cause the most trouble, and start with these. Once a specific behavior is no longer a problem, you can add another.
Define the Fines for Unacceptable Behavior
Next, decide how much you will charge your child for these behaviors. Fines for not completing chores should equal the number of tickets she would have earned for completing the task. Fines for violations of household rules should be set at a fair but meaningful level.
Talk to Your Child
Talk to your child about what will happen. Remind her about your talk about how you as parents only get paid for the work you do. Tell your child that sometimes, grown-ups mess up, break rules, and have to pay a fine. Use examples such as getting a speeding ticket. When you break this rule, you have to pay money to the city or state and don’t have it to buy what you want.
Next, explain to your child that starting this week, she will be fined for the behaviors you’ve chosen above. Tell your child how much she will be fined for these violations. Write this down and post it in a place where you and your child can both refer to these charges.
Follow-Through
Finally, follow-through consistently with fining your child for violations, but…
Beware of the “Punishment Parent Trap”
This can happen whenever your child throws a temper tantrum as a result of being fined. In response to her temper-tantrum, you charge her more tickets, and then she gets mad and impulsively yells. If you charge her again, you are at risk of losing the motivation associated with this system.
Here’s the rule of thumb: your child is fined one time through the economics/point system. If the negative behavior continues, the child is either sent to time out or grounded (tweens and teens).
Struggling to Apply this Concept?
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(c) 2010-2019, Monte W. Davenport, Ph.D.
