Tired of taking stuff away to improve your child’s behavior? Instead, try letting her earn the things she wants to do (everyday privileges) by doing what she needs to do. Try these steps to increase desired behaviors.
Before you say to yourself, “I’ve already tried this!” please read through all the steps. This process requires your child or teen to do what she needs to do to earn what she wants to do each day, just like you earn money so you can buy what you want or need.
(1) Decide What You Need Your Child to Do
Make a list of daily tasks that your child needs to complete:
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Everyday chores
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Completing homework
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Getting up and out the door in the morning
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Getting ready for bed
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Washing, bathing, brushing teeth, etc.
Include anything that you need her to do that she is not doing.
(2) Reframe Negative Behaviors
If there are negative behaviors your child needs to stop doing, you can reframe them into a positive for this process. For example, “not playing on the iPad when it’s time to do homework” could be reframed as “completing all of your homework between 3:30 and 5:00 PM.” Similarly, “not obeying” could be reframed as “immediate obedience” (within 30 seconds).
(3) Make a List of Daily Privileges that will Motivate Your Child
With your child’s help, make a list of day-to-day privileges that will motivate her: she will earn the right to do these.
Include everyday privileges your child currently takes for granted:
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Playing video games
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Using electronics
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Watching TV
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Anything your child wants to do daily
(4) Set Up a “Token Economy”
When earning the right to do what they want to do, many children need immediate tangible reinforcement to immediately follow through to complete assigned tasks (Adults call this money).
In this solution, parents can use small movie tickets, small poker chips, beads, Legos, or any number of things as tokens instead of money. To do the things she wants to do, your child must spend her tokens just as adults use the money they earn to buy what they want.
(5) Decide what Each Task is Worth
For each task you need your child to do (listed in step 1 above), assign a specific number of tokens she can earn by completing that activity.
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For 4- to 5-year-olds assign 1-2 tokens/tickets for most tasks, and maybe 5 for big jobs.
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For older children, use a range of 1 to 5 tokens, and perhaps more for big jobs.
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If the task takes a long time, assign 1 token for every 15 minutes it takes her to complete it.
The harder the job for your child or teen, the more you pay.
(6) Make a Rewards Menu
For daily privileges you want her to earn, make a rewards menu that you and your child can refer to regularly.
Add up about how many tickets you think your child will earn on a typical day if she does most of the jobs she needs to do. Considering this number, decide how many tickets your child should pay for each privilege you have listed. Generally, your child will spend about two-thirds of the daily tickets earned on her typical daily privileges.
Don’t worry about the exact numbers to use here. Be fair and use your best judgment about how much each reward/privilege should cost.
(7) Talk to Your Child
Explain to your child that instead of taking privileges away, you think she should be rewarded for doing the things she needs to do at home. Tell her that you want to set up a new reward program so she can earn the things she wants to do for doing what she needs to do.
Explain to your child that when you do your work, you get paid so you can buy things you need and want. When you don’t do your work, you don’t get paid and you can’t buy things you need and want.
Tell your child that she will earn tokens for appropriate behavior and jobs that are completed on the first request. If you must repeat a command, she will not earn tickets for doing it. Be sure to tell your child that she will have a chance to earn “bonus” tickets when she performs a task promptly and pleasantly.
(8) Make a Bank for the Tokens Earned
Work with your child to make a nice bank for the tokens she earns. Have fun decorating the bank with your child!
(9) Let Your Child Earn and Spend Tokens
Let your child earn and spend tokens for a couple of weeks. Follow-through and give tokens and any “bonus” tokens promised. Be alert for opportunities to reward your child, especially early on.
NOTE: This is Not Bribery!
The definition of bribery is paying someone to do something illegal. This is basic economics.
(10) Try More Steps to Reduce Unacceptable Behaviors
After your child has successfully earned privileges for a couple of weeks, then you can try these five steps to reduce her unacceptable behavior.
Need Help Applying This Concept?
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(c) 2010-2019, Monte W. Davenport, Ph.D.
